Dare To Lead - by Brene Brown

This book is an eye opener for me in so many ways. In this day and age when virtual is the new reality, leadership with heart at its core is inevitable. The author Brene Brown, who has 20 years of research backing on courage, shame and leadership, lay out beautifully the building blocks of courageous leadership in this book. Let me start with some of the misconceptions I had until I read Dare to lead.

1. Courage is without fear : I always had this idea that courage and fear are mutually exclusive. I thought courage starts when fear ends. Brene says otherwise. Courage doesn't mean that you are not afraid. Courage is all about how you respond to fear.
2. Vulnerability is a weakness : I always used vulnerability in a negative context, describing someone's weakness. After defining what vulnerability is, which is that intense emotion you feel when you face situations where the outcome is uncertain, Brene says true daring leaders embrace vulnerability. Daring leaders have the tools and skills to navigate vulnerability and make it work for them.
3. Don't be shameless : We often callout behaviors/actions that are unacceptable to the professional common sense as shameless. Brene corrects me here, she says that what we are actually talking about in these situations is being empathyless. We assume shame as the cure, but in fact shame is the cause. Empathy is the antidote for shame. Shame is something that builds up within someone in cultures where empathy is not practiced.
4. 'Born'/inherited leaders : I thought that leadership comes natural to only selected few and not everyone can be a leader. I thought it cannot be taught or learned. Brene says that as long as you have a heart, and you constantly tap into your heart while you lead, you will become a great leader. The core to these skills are listening, staying curious, being honest and keeping confidence.

Now that we clarified those misconceptions, let us look into what is daring leadership. What are the skills that is needed to become a courageous leader? Before I get into the details, remember one thing - daring leader is someone who constantly connect to his people, who lead from his heart and NOT from hurt or fear.

There are four skills that are needed to become a courageous or in other words a wholehearted leader.

1. Embrace vulnerability : When you are a leader you face many situations where there is large element of uncertainty. Courageous leaders do not shield themselves from these situations. The author uses the term 'rumble' when you deal with vulnerable situations. She says that to rumble is to get into deep conversations, to own your parts, to stay curious and generous, to take a break when necessary. Most importantly you listen with the same passion with which you want to be heard. During these small moments is when trust is built. In fact trust and vulnerability grow together. Going to your people and asking "what support from me looks like? " goes a long way for them. Brene then talks in length about shame and how it is created within organizations. Shame is that deep feeling of worthlessness which is build over time in cultures where empathy is not practiced. In a culture where perfectionism, favoritism, gossiping, comparison, blaming, bullying and cover-ups exists, shame is deep rooted. Empathy is the anti-dote for shame. Empathy is all about understanding others' perspective, not being judgmental and clearly communicates their feeling to them. There is an old saying - "people don't care how much you know until they know how much you care".
2. Living your values : Self-aware is key to be a brave leader. People like to see a leader who are clear about what he believes in and align his actions, thoughts and intentions with those beliefs. So it is important to understand and name what are our core values are to begin with. Once you understand and name your values, then you can teach your people how to build these values and create a culture around it so that you hold each accountable for staying aligned with those values. Brave leaders live by the values and they are never silent about hard things. They always 'show up' even if they don't have all the answers.
3. Building Trust : Brene gives an inventory of seven that can be used as a checklist to build trust. This is called BRAVING trust. B stands for respecting boundaries, R stands for being reliable, A stands for owning mistakes and accountable, V stands for keeping confidence like a vault, I stands for integrity, N stands for nonjudmental and G stands for generosity. You need to understand that trust needs constant attention and it builds over time.
4. Learning to rise : Leadership is not without failures, setbacks and disappointment. If you are a brave leader , you will fall sometime. Courageous leaders know how to get up once they fall.

Hope you enjoyed this book as much as I had.